Alex Bartoszewicz (pronounced bartashevitz) is the King of Prank Calls, though he doesn’t really know it. For example:

 “Uh, hello?”

“Hi, is Andrea there?”

“Yes she is, but she’s asleep. Do you know what time it is?”

“No sir, Mr. Leinberger.”

“Well, it’s two in the morning.”

“So, she’s not available right now?”

“No!”

“Alright, cool. Could you tell her Alex Bartoszewicz called?”

 

 

Or maybe:

“Hello, you’ve reached the Geis family. We can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep…. BEEP.”

“Hello. This is Alex Bartoszewicz calling and I just wanted to say that I love your tits, Lesley. Mr. and Mrs. Geis, you have raised a fine daughter with wonderful tits, and I, Alex Bartoszewicz proclaim it so. Alex Bartoszewicz will be thinking of you tonight, Lesley. I’ll see you in school on Monday!”

 

Alex took the crown for prank calls from Jeff Hoefner at 527-1947 because Jeff kept getting in trouble.Alex himself was kind of non-descript, as was evidenced by the fact that he had no eyebrow hair and couldn’t remember any of his dreams. The only other exciting event involving Alex (besides all his prank calls) was when he took a swing while we were playing Vincent in baseball and broke his leg. The bone came right through and he screamed in pain at home plate until the ambulance came. I felt kind of bad for Alex because he had some clever ideas—he wanted to write a movie script for our senior class to put on, which included a scene with John Baho emerging from Lake Michigan like some sort of sea monster (maybe transformed into some super-being by raw sewerage). Unfortunately, the other students didn’t think Alex could handle the task of writing his own movie and said they’d only do it if I wrote the script. Alex later became an English major at UWM and we’d meet sometimes. He actually was a very good writer, and quite creative. Like all English majors, he got a job in the food industry after college as a manager of a Baker’s Square.

Alex was one of those kids at school who seemed to have a lot going on outside of school. He had a lot of friends from Pius. He volunteered for the Special Olympics so he could meet all the hot chicks who also volunteered (of course we all claimed he competed). He always said he had plans on Friday nights if we asked, but most of us figured he watched TGIF on ABC with his parents. But hey, he was kind of mysterious, and he is officially responsible for some really awesome prank calls.

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