I didn’t go, and here’s why: I’m a fuckin idiot. And I had no date, maybe because I never asked anyone. Prom was an excellent summary of my entire high school dating career. My friend Dave Erd later in life would constantly remind me, “You already don’t have her” whenever discussing a girl I should pursue. That didn’t work for me either, but it was a nice attempt. Anyway, in high school I didn’t have Dave’s guidance, only advice from my classmates, who never seemed to have much good to say about my potential dates. Of course, I was relying on a bunch of guys who either wanted to make fun of or screw every girl they met, so what could I expect?

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