Eighth Grade Ends –

The World Probably Doesn’t

By Brian Jaeger & Casey Palbicki

 

To read the whole screenplay, please follow the link

Eighth Grade Ends - The World Probably Doesn't

 

Opening credits. Two eighth grade boys are walking on paper route in a residential neighborhood as snow lightly falls. CASEY is a slightly built, above average height, energetic boy with brown hair. He is wearing a fall coat and a baseball cap. BRIAN is about the same height and a little heavier, sporting two newspaper bags full of papers and also wearing a coat. Both of them have some mild acne—just a precursor to their pus-filled high school years.

A semi-vicious beagle comes charging out from one of the yards and is stopped by its chain. The two boys, gyrating wildly, tease the dog. The boys walk across in front of a “Stay off the Lawn” sign. A MIDDLE-AGED MAN who is putting up Christmas lights waves to the two young men. A nativity scene with Frosty, Santa, and Rudolph paying homage to the Messiah sits in front of the homeowner’s house.

Brian delivers a paper to a door as Casey looks through the mailbox, grabbing a skin mag. The two receive hot cocoa at the next house from an OLD LADY, and Casey pages through the magazine as he enjoys the drink. They continue to deliver to some more houses as the opening credits end.

Casey is looking at the centerfold.

 

                    CASEY

You know, this girl’s hot, but she’s nothing compared to Rachel.

 

                    BRIAN

At least you get to see that girl naked. You know, there are plenty of other chicks. How long do I have to keep hearing about Rachel?

 

                    CASEY

Hey, I’ve liked a lot of other girls.

 

BRIAN (cynically)

Yeah, who?

 

Scene of kindergarten class, a few kids finger painting, and a little kid wearing the same outfit as Casey. He is next to a cute pudgy girl. They are happily finger painting together.

 

                    CASEY V.O.

There was Heidi Klauser. First day of kindergarten. She stole my heart at the arts and crafts table. She was such a cute one, but then I stopped liking pudgy girls.

 

                    BRIAN V.O.

Isn’t she a lesbian now?

 

                    CASEY V.O.

Hey, she was probably a lesbian then…

 

A little Casey is talking to FAITH, trying to lure her into bushes, and she agrees.

   

                    CASEY V.O.

And then there was the girl I used to play doctor with before she moved away. I think her name was Faith…

 

Casey in the fourth grade during a school church service, watching KATIE O’BRIEN dig up her nose, pull out a stringer, and slurp it up in her mouth.

 

                    CASEY V.O.

In third grade I liked Katie O’Brien. Until fourth grade, during a Wednesday church service. That was when I discovered she had a nasty little habit. It’s one thing to pick your nose, but she sucked that thing in like a spaghetti noodle.

 

Fifth grade Casey is looking at RACHEL as she boards the bus. He is obviously enchanted, ending the conversation with a black child, who waves a hand in front of Casey to get his attention.

 

                    CASEY V.O.

Then Rachel came to my grade school. I first met her on a bus during a field trip to the performing arts center. All the guys were drooling over her because she shaved her legs and wore a bra, but to me, she meant so much more than that. I did whatever I could do to get close to her.

 

STUDENT COUNCIL TEACHER points at door and Casey leaves.

 

                    CASEY V.O.

I joined student council, but I eventually got kicked out.

 

CHOIR TEACHER pointing to the door and Casey leaves.

                              CASEY V.O.

I joined the chorus, but I got kicked out.

 

SMART KIDS TEACHER, once again, pointing to the door and Casey leaving.

 

                    CASEY V.O.

I studied hard and even got into the smart kid classes, but I eventually got the boot.

 

CASEY’S GRANDPARENTS pointing to the door and Casey leaving.

 

                    CASEY V.O.

Once I realized she lived close to my grandparents, I started hanging out over there, but even they eventually wanted me to leave.

 

                    BRIAN

Where in the hell is this going? Are you gonna help me with my route or what?

 

                    CASEY

Hey man, this is eighth grade; it’s now or never!

 

                    BRIAN

You’ve got plenty of time: high school, maybe college. By the way, how’d you get kicked out of chorus?

 

                    CASEY

I changed some of the words to “What do You do With a Drunken Sailor?”

 

                    BRIAN

What was your class singing that song for in the first place?

 

                    CASEY

That’s a good question.

 

                    BRIAN

Well, what do you do with a drunken sailor?

 

                    CASEY

Beats the shit out of me.

 

                    BRIAN

You should just ask her out. Following her around and talking to me about it won’t get you anywhere.

 

                    CASEY

I got some plans in the works. I predict that I’ll be going with her to the Holiday Dance.

 

                    BRIAN

And I totally predict that you are full of shit.

 

                    CASEY

Well, I heard from Lesley and Missy that Rachel likes me.

 

                    BRIAN

Now that’s who you should be asking to the dance.

 

                    CASEY

Missy?

 

                    BRIAN

Missy’s kinda cute, but Lesley… she’s Playboy material.

 

                    CASEY

She is a close second to Rachel.

 

                    BRIAN

You’re an idiot! If you weren’t my friend, I’d punch you in the face.

 

                    CASEY

C’mon, man, her boyfriend’s a sophomore.

 

                    BRIAN

Yeah, that dickhead Brett.

 

                    CASEY

Well, I hear he’s hittin for the cycle.

 

                    BRIAN

What’s that supposed to mean?

 

                    CASEY

You know, getting some major work.

 

                    BRIAN

He’s an ass.

 

                    CASEY

And coincidentally enough there he goes, on his way to her house.

 

BRETT drives by in his SUV. Brian and Casey stop and watch him. Brian reaches into paper bag and realizes he is short two papers.

 

                    BRIAN

Stupid stoners! They shorted me two papers. We gotta run back up to the station.



INT. PAPER STATION — LATE AFTERNOON, EARLY DECEMBER

 

Brian and Casey walk back to paper station and walk in. There is an atmosphere of smoke, heavy metal music, steel tables, brown painted concrete block walls, bulletin boards with messages, Sunday ads stacked along two of the walls, a cubicle office area separated by a steel table, etc. Three stoners, wearing ripped, dirty jeans and various heavy metal band t-shirts are assembling newspapers. CHRIS is wearing a black baseball cap. RICK has a goatee. DEAN is smoking one cigarette and also has one resting above his ear.

Brian walks over to manager’s desk, and Chris addresses both Brian and Casey. MANAGER looks a little like Captain Lou Albano.

 

                    CHRIS

Homos!

 

Brian ignores Chris’s remark and grabs two papers from manager’s desk.

 

                    BRIAN

Hey, one of those stoners shorted me two papers.

 

                    MANAGER

Cool it, homos. Take your papers.

 

Brian and Casey turn toward door to leave and they see DAYNA, a good looking brunette, wearing tight jeans and a red wool coat, which she takes off as she enters the station, revealing her fluffy breasts.

 

    CASEY

(loudly; to Brian)

Oh, how convenient. And you were blaming the stoners for the missing papers.

        CHRIS

What’d you say, homo?

        CASEY

Nothing, stoner.

 

    CHRIS

Damn straight!

        CASEY

(to Brian, Dayna)

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Lovely Dayna. Hey Brian, it’s Dayna.

 

Brian pretends not to notice Dayna but seems nervous.

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