Email Kinda Confusing After Night at State Fair; Tone Seems Desperate

What the heck are you trying to tell me, Tommy? I got this email after a long night at State Fair, and I’m just not sure what I’m supposed ta do. I want my favorite governor to become the next president, but you hafta make it easier than this, especially since most of your supporters are taking in country music shows at the fair this week. Let’s just take a look at the email and figure it out:

“If you're a SOTT (Supporter of Tommy Thompson), then this is probably the most important email you have ever received from his campaign.” Besides the goofy SOTT thing, I can grasp this part.  

“Without your help and support this week, Tommy Thompson's campaign cannot go on.” I’ll do what I can, big guy. “Tommy Thompson has made it clear that if he doesn't finish first or second this week in Ames, Iowa at the straw poll, he will not go on in this race.” Wait, my contribution can’t make that insanity happen without some kind of Children of the Corn type of occurrence there. Really, T, first or second? How about a distant fifth? And then you can drink a fifth of something tasty and plan ahead for the next election. You're good, but just not that good.  “To date he has outworked every other candidate running for president in Iowa.  His ideas on ending the war in Iraq, fixing America's ailing health care system and finding a cure for cancer are being heard, but not by enough people.” So why not? How frickin big is Iowa anyhow? Wasn’t that the goal, just to win Iowa, and hope everyone else just followed its lead, like in fashion and other important national decisions, when we all apparently pay attention to what Iowa thinks first. Yeah, Iowa. So it's sort of the complaining about having a big ass portion of the booty call. No, Tommy, I don't think you have a big ass. I think you look just fine the way you are, but you just have to convince the peeps in Iowa.