Written by Brian Jaeger, owner of Satisfamily, McNewsy, PassivNinja, Educabana, RealWisconsinNews, ManCrushFanClub, WildWestAllis, SitcomLifeLessons, and VoucherSchool.

Guys, this poem is guaranteed to get you laid this Valentine's Day. Unless your wife, girlfriend, or secretary already read it here, which isn't terribly likely, since she wouldn't be searching for fool-proof ways to get laid on Valentine's Day. Ladies, feel free to join the site and tell me if I'm wrong. The ONLY way I'd be wrong is if you showed up with this poem and tickets to the monster truck show. Or if you've been stalking the girl rather than dating her, but even a poem like this one can't help you if that's the case.

Your soft whispers wave over my cheek,

the shampoo's scent reminds me

of sitting next to you as meaningless images

make a movie to distract our minds

while our bodies think of nothing else.