Written by Brian Jaeger, owner of Satisfamily, McNewsy, PassivNinja, Educabana, RealWisconsinNews, ManCrushFanClub, WildWestAllis, SitcomLifeLessons, and VoucherSchool.

Guys, this poem is guaranteed to get you laid this Valentine's Day. Unless your wife, girlfriend, or secretary already read it here, which isn't terribly likely, since she wouldn't be searching for fool-proof ways to get laid on Valentine's Day. Ladies, feel free to join the site and tell me if I'm wrong. The ONLY way I'd be wrong is if you showed up with this poem and tickets to the monster truck show. Or if you've been stalking the girl rather than dating her, but even a poem like this one can't help you if that's the case.


Your soft whispers wave over my cheek,

the shampoo's scent reminds me

of sitting next to you as meaningless images

make a movie to distract our minds

while our bodies think of nothing else.



Now your skin glistens in the shadows

of a moonlit film starring us.

You are my lovely leading lady and

I am the envy of every other man.

You giggle at us representing perfection

and I fall even further for you.


Lost in the story, you turn sideways

to imply I must hold you or lose you,

but we both believe in beautiful endings,

at least for us. Especially for us.

I feel your muscles give in--

you are mine to maneuver

to win over

to be my lover.


You know, like the hero

I would lay down my life,

promise to improve myself,

chase after you to the airport,

fight even my friends or family

for you. For us.


Even your mind isn’t in the movie

anymore: all mine. Turn back

for a glance

and everything you’ve ever wanted.

I am that man. You are all I need

as the scene

fades away

to black

and we fade

closer to one.